FicCentral received a free copy of this book from Patchwork Press (via NetGalley).
Publisher: Hot-Lanta Publishing (Self-Published) on April 2, 2015
Genre(s): Contemporary Romance (NA), Romantic Comedy (NA)
Her bosom heaved at an alarming rate as his rough hand found its way down to her soft, yet wiry briar patch...
Can you say briar patch in a romance novel? What about meat sword? That’s what it is…a meat sword, right, all meaty and sword like, slaying through the inner dungeons of a woman’s dark desires. What about breasts? Do bosoms really heave?
God, I have no idea what happens when private parts touch.
I’m a virgin trying to write a romance novel and can’t seem to write past a sex scene thanks to my lack of experience.
My two best friends encourage me to drop the pen for a while and gain some real life practice through multiple dating facets such as blind dates, online profiles, and random hookups.
But losing my virginity is proving to be tougher than expected…
This book includes mature subject matter that may not be appropriate for readers under the age of 18.
Rosie wants nothing more than to be a successful romance novelist, and that wouldn’t seem so unachievable if she had a clue what to write when it comes to sex scenes. But since her only experience in that area has been in reading about them instead of actually having them, she’s more than a little lost. When her roommates and best friend find out she really is clueless, they encourage her to get of the V-train and find out what she’s been missing — in the name of research, of course. But when her best friend Henry, the king of one-night-stands starts giving her advice and helping her out, things take a turn they never expected.
When I picked this one up, I expected a cute, romantic, somewhat humorous read, something along the lines of other stories I’ve read that have similar plots. What I got was a fresh and absolutely hilarious story that had me cracking up, even as I was trying to guess what wild turn the characters would take next.
Rosie is naive when it comes to sex, but she’s not shy, sheltered, or taking the moral high ground. That she’s inexperienced is more of an accident than a choice or result of some messed up situation, but that’s not to say she isn’t ridiculously curious. She’s not exactly proud of her status, and when her friends find out just how little first-hand knowledge she actually has, they make it their mission to help her find out what she’s been missing. The results are odd, sometimes embarrassing, and usually laugh-out-loud ridiculous. But through it all, she’s such a good, genuine person, someone so easy to understand and relate to — even if you’ve never been in her shoes — that you can’t help but cringe with her when things go crazily wrong and cheer for her when she finally escapes Murphy’s Law.
Henry, the best friend who becomes the happily ever after, is not what I expected either. He’s the kind of friend will be the first to help Rosie up when she trips and falls — all while failing to hid his snickers. But he’s also the consummate manwhore, sleeping his way through the local attractive female population. As such, he’s in the perfect position to give Rosie some desperately needed advice, not to mention functioning as her practice dummy when needed. Oddly enough, he seems willing to help her out without risking any emotional connection deeper than friendship, so he’s not your typical guy from these kinds of stories who falls in love despite his intentions or denial or whatever.
Rosie’s had a bit of a crush on Henry forever, but she’s not so stuck on him that she doesn’t venture out into the dating pool and give things her best and most hilarious effort. And just when I expected Henry to get insanely jealous and suddenly have an epiphany about his true feelings for her… Nope. He’s just good old reliable Henry, best friend and ultimate horn dog. I expect some readers will be a little upset with him when he makes a pretty stupid move there toward the end, but it just goes to show how unprepared he is for everything he’s feeling. Besides, if he acted the way I expected (and probably a lot of readers want him to) he’d be just another carbon copy best-friend-turned-boyfriend, and this would be just another predictable story.
Of course, they eventually do get past all that best of intentions mess and realize that they have the perfect friendship to grow quickly into something so much more, but getting there is half (okay, more like 98% of) the fun. Rosie is a sweet, quirky, brilliantly witty girl who isn’t afraid to be herself, and Henry, though not quite the golden-hearted bestie one might expect, is lovable in his flaws. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve read a book this entertaining, and The Virgin Romance Novelist delivers love and laughs like you wouldn’t believe. If you’re looking for sweet, smart, sexy, and silly, this is the book for you.